Confession Time

Okay my friends, the time has come for a confession. I did it. I cheated on the diet. My husband thought I had cheated when I hadn't, and I was upset, and it happened to be a day when I was feeling very tempted. So I cheated. For the longer, more boring version of the day's events, you can check my public Fitday journal.

The funny thing is, I didn't enjoy my cheating that much. I had a burger, four brownie cookies, and a gourmet candy bar. The burger wasn't that good, and only the first few bites of the candy bar and cookies were good. I just ate the rest out of spite. (I know, how dumb!) I just found the candy and cookies too sweet and WAY too rich. I thought I'd never say that--I LOVE chocolate! But it was just too much. Funny how quickly our tastes can change, even without our realizing it.

I think I was more tempted to cheat this time because I had been trying to do Kimmer's boot camp, which is a stricter version of Kimkins. Unfortunately I also chose today to start exercising, and boy did I ever work out hard! Probably not a good idea to start both on the same day. I was starving! No wonder I caved under the stress. I should have started exercising first, then slowly worked my way into Kimmer's bootcamp.

Even though I fell off the wagon, there were obviously still some effects of the Kimkins diet in my system. I still couldn't eat all that much, even though it was a carb-filled "meal". And as I said, it was all too rich for my taste. Also, although I was hungrier than usual this morning, I wasn't as hungry as I used to be back when I was eating all carbs. I do find myself feeling a lot more tempted today. Thoughts of cookies and candy are haunting me. But I expected that, and I am prepared for it. I allowed myself to eat more than normal today, and to eat cheese and bacon when I wanted to, transitioning into Kimkins again. But most of the food was on-plan.

I am definitely not beating myself up. I have a lot to be proud for, and ironically the decision to cheat wasn't made in an overly-emotional manner. I struggled with the temptation for a long time before I finally just decided to cheat and get it out of my system. Not the best choice, but I had my reasons. Hopefully I won't gain too much, and maybe it will give me a little kick-start in my weight loss again.

Now I know that cheating is definitely not worth it. It wasn't all that enjoyable, and it cost me in my weight loss. So now as I am haunted by the "ghosts of cookies past" I can tell myself "hey, it won't taste nearly as good as you think, so it's not worth it." I even passed on the temptation to buy "low carb" chocolates today, so I am staying strong. I'm in this for the long haul.

This diet is too easy to give up on. I don't want to go back to food controlling me. I don't want to waste my family's money on junk that's just eventually going to kill me. I don't want the hunger and the cravings to come back. I like that I don't think about food all of the time.

So now I just need to deal with a day or so of cravings, and then stay on the Kimkins plan. Because this time, failure is not an option. This time, I have hope. I know I can do this.